Fellow Vitesse comrades

I regret to inform you that Johan will not be available for any public appearances or management duties for the foreseeable future. He will be consumed with bringing the lance up to speed in time for the new doping controls which will be administered immediately. One of the reasons Johan is retained by Team Vitesse is his great prowess in obfuscating conclusive positive test results. I have spoken to his handlers who are in agreement that the lance will require all of Johan's magic in his quest for eternal youth.

Therefore, Team Vitesse must forge ahead without an active DS. Johan will continue to provide his usual insightful guidance through the state-of-the-art race radios that the team will be receiving from Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory as part of a sponsorship deal.

Indeed, I am pleased to announce that Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory has agreed to be the primary sponsor for Team Vitesse in our quest for glory in the upcoming cyclocross season, the 2009 Spring Classics and the '09 Grand Tours. Details of the sponsorship deal will be released soon.

The team's official title will be:

"Team Vitesse - Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory".

No comments: