Plywood Hit Counter Hits 5000

Cycling cosmonaut is pleased to announce that there have been 5,000 hits to this point in time. This author managed to raise the count by refreshing numerous times too numerous to mention. Thank you faithful readers for your continued readership.


End of the Cosmodromic Era

Safely returned from the west coast, h2o took a week off from Johan's tortuous training regime to recuperate in his personal Euphoric Fountain of Youth Booth. "The forest fire smoke was some right Jesus thick", wheezed h2o as he entered his 72 hour stint in the converted bath. PE5GW was next to enjoy the rejuvenating qualities of HL88's timeless design. Some travel notes:
Cold Arm reared its ugly head during the trip back from the west coast. Before she knew it, the insidious Cold Arm had manifested itself on PE5GW's arms. One would not expect such a calamitous event to occur during summer. However, the lunar rover's air conditioner had blown long enough that Cold Arm quickly gained the upper hand and arm. Fortunately a quick thinking h2o redirected the air flow away from the exposed flesh. PE5GW then hung her arms out the window for 250 kilometers to allow the sun's radiant heat reverse the hated Cold Arm. Cycling Cosmonaut is please to report that a full recovery has been effected and that PE5GW is now doubly vigilant against Cold Arm.

While h2o was engaged in the travails of training on the coast with Johan, Lampo Bianco was busy packing up the Western Cosmodrome and enjoying family life with Lampo Madonna and Lampo Bambino. Johan insisted on an "end of an era" training ride last night. Lampo has been using the moving preparation to slim down to his racing weight of 15 years ago. Lampo's predominately black kit enhanced this illusion of a slimmer, leaner racer. Gone with that extra poundage was some of Lampo's explosive power. This made him easy pickings for the heavy drop power of h2o which h2o exhibited ably and often.

With Lampo moving to the west coast to establish a beachhead for Team Vitesse's far western operations, training rides like this will be marginally more difficult. Fortunately, Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory has stepped up with a new Team Vitesse Travel Trust Fund or TVTTF. In exchange for plywood storage space at LB's western cosmodrome, HL88 will donate $1 from the sale of each Prosperous Contented Obstruction Blocking. It is generosity like this that we have come to expect from Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory.

Lampo's western cosmodrome will be situated in an area where people have their priorities straight as you can see:
Please join Cycling Cosmonaut is wishing the Lampo Bianco family all the best at their new cosmodramatic location.


Part 8 - Cobble Hill

Johan bade me train early to avoid heat. Dutifully tested new
strategy; WITHIN SPIN, a version of WITHIN POWER for single speeds.
Relies on internal bodily spin processing and was effective until
Bambi crossed road. Had to grab handful of brake to avoid collision.
Johan displeased that venison dinner was spared. Sensations improved
from Day 1 ride. TTFO Johan.


Part 7 - Kool down

Extreme heat again today and race radio is silent. Must mean Johan slept in. Took the ABBA 8 track and went down for aqua workout. Can't complain about the water temp when air temp is 32. Tomorrow means an attack on Cobble Hill Road with Johan in my ear. Lampo is going to love it here.



Part 6 - The Chase

Somehow Johan arranged for a pro from a rival team to be 250 meters ahead on the circuit today. Clawing back the deficit on every hill only to lose it on the following downhill. Single speeds have a max called gravity. Finally bridged up on a hill and received trash talk about bike choice. Might as well wave a red jersey in front of a freight train. Left him to inhale my vapours until the next downhill. Johan's plan for a training win was positive. Received hero's welcome and lunch. An unfair advantage called WITHIN POWER? I don't think so...


Part 5 - Rest day in Nature

Woke up to find team ornithologist observing covey of quail sunning on
dock. Fruitless hunt for pictorial confirmation but trust PE5GW's
ident. With Johan's permission am allowed to be tourist after 4.5 hr
aquacize workout to ABBA. A cruel but fair task master indeed.


Part 4 - Gravel

Johan's map showed today's route to a river. No mention of endless kms
of washboard & gravel. "Loose grip for limp wrists. Use the Within
Power to perservere" he intoned in my ear. 1 puncture later the
triumphant return to tarmac. Nice recon Johan.


Part 3 - Carnage 4 Johan

Ride began innocently enough. Why choose geared bike when u can
struggle up every rise on a single speed? Garter snake gave its life
in Johan's name. High speed downhill, snake crossing road. Missed the
sign. h2o 1 snake 0. Then swim to wash off snake stuff-then nap-then
lunch. Beauty what...




Cosmonaut Exclusive Part 2

Arrived at the BC resort destination. On-site massage therapist had day off - bummer. The workout regime will be an early morning swim, 1 hour cycle around the lake, then a 3 hour nap. Can't wait to start. Hope a massage can be scheduled tomorrow. Just livin' the Johan dream! h2o


Cycling Cosmonaut exclusive

Cycling cosmonaut has coerced h2o into supplying brief accounts during
a Johan ordered reconnaisance trip to the coast. What follows is his
first transmission:

Passed so many cyclists on the road. Just flew by them like they were
standing still. The grades were sometimes steep and taxing but my legs
still have good sensations after day 1. The bike looks superb on top
of the car. TTFN


HL88 Announces Plywood Consultant

So much of Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory's industrial base and production is dependent on plywood that the Board and management deemed it prudent to retain the services of a Professional Plywood Consultant (PPC). The individual was chosen from the lofty accounting and lumber firmament and is a designated PPC. The Chinese Cruncher (CC), as he is known in the specialized field of cellulose audit, has honed his skills in the board foot analysis of OSB, MDF, IMF, Veneer, and Schmengie Board. "Plywood is a new challenge for me but the linear concepts are very similar around the world of wood. My experience with warped Schmengie Board will work to my advantage in nailing down any anomalies" said CCPPC enthusiastically. Johan did not embrace the announcement with open arms, instead threatening to "obfuscate any audit of plywood use at my Lake Como villa." It appears that the Chinese Cruncher will require all his tape measuring skills when he visits Johan's enclave next month.

A Base of Tranquility or Dread

In most press interviews with cycling speakers of the romance languages (I refer to Italian and Spanish - Basso and Contador respectively) always refer to "good sensations" and a feeling of "tranquility". French riders are seldom interviewed, presumably due to their consistently poor performances filled with "bad sensations" and a feeling of "dread".
Ivan and Alberto say they are feeling tranquil. This must be a poor translation of the sense of foreboding and shear panic that fills the pro peleton whenever Team Vitesse is included.
With Within Power the Vitesse seems to be unstoppable this season. Many wonder what lies beneath the genuine serenity of the stars of Team Vitesse - Lampo Bianco, Dr. K2, Night Train and h2o. In a rare period of lucidness, Johan has decided to open his "sanguine satchel" to reveal one of the secrets to the team's success. Uncorking an ancient looking flask with the label, "Calm Balm", a stench of effluvial offal assaults the senses. "Rubbing this on the thighs and calves gives our riders a true sense of tranquility which beautifully compliments our patented Within Power. The rest of the peleton is left stoking their "furnaces of fear" and unpacking their collection of cramps" drooled Johan. The results speak for themselves. Johan has one of the best pro cycling teams ever assembled. The question is not "What would Johan do" but "What won't Johan do"...


Expansion Plans at Other Cosmodrome

That old saying, "When one cosmodrome relocates or suspends operations for some reason, another one springs up to replace the compromised facility in true cosmodramatic fashion", has never been more partially true. This nugget has long been attributed to Socrates, apparently uttered during one of his hemlock benders. Now Team Vitesse is attempting to apply this sage wisdom to the Other Cosmodrome. If you have been following these pages you might remember that Lampo Bianco is moving his Western Cosmodrome to the west coast. Acting on the instructions of Johan, Lampo Bianco believes that Lampo Bambino will develop into a polka dot jersey contender if he is allowed to breathe deeply of the moisture laden sea air and enjoy liquid winters.
h2o and the lovely and talented PE5GW deemed it imperative to increase the storage capacity of the Other Cosmodrome during the relocation of the Western Cosmodrome's operations. PE5GW has designed an innovative annex to the Other Cosmodrome called the "Cosmodrannex". Reminiscent of a large animal cage but with a fine designer touches such as flow through ventilation, recycled steel, concrete flooring and a roof, the Cosmodrannex will house the overflow cycling weaponry from the Other Cosmodrome's growlery as well as some choice garden tools. h2o is fulfilling orders from Johan to house one of Lampo's land rockets. When Lampo visits the Other Cosmodrome for altitude training, he can withdraw his steed from the Cosmodrannex after leaving a small deposit with Johan.
Johan is enthusiastic about the Cosmodrannex and quipped, "Minimum bet at the black jack table will be 20 Swiss francs!".