Vitesse lends Hammer to Local Constabulary

Winter training rides are commonplace as Team Vitesse prepares for the spring classic season. Johan graciously organizes a police escort for the safety of his protected riders, in this case h2o. An unprecedented snowfall of epic proportions has blanketed training routes around the Westmount Cosmodrome. The deep layer of precip has morphed into a turgid mix of brown sugar, ice, gravel and other unknown heavenly detritus. This deadly mixture of wheel sucking miasma overwhelmed the blue and white cruiser meant to usher h2o on his 4 kilometer jaunt. What transpired next will serve Team Vitesse and Johan in years to come.
The situation appeared hopeless and all hope was going limp like the straw that stirred the camel's drink. Through the magic of modern communications, Johan insisted that h2o assume command of the police cruiser as the hapless constable chipped at the ice buildup. h2o slipped behind the controls of the vehicle and tapped gently on the accelerator. The engine roared to life; exuding enough power to burn rubber as if standing still which indeed it was. After much to and fro rocking, h2o managed to free the car with a modicum of assistance from the copper. The temptation to take off at high speed was great but the sage words of Johan echoed over race radio. "Don't blow this good karma. I still have to beat the DIY charges." h2o did not continue the training ride feeling that enough energy had been expended driving the cop car.


Thanks to you, Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory has become a powerhouse in the world cycling accessories. Demand remains strong for the Super Absorbent Rain Cape and the CAFIB. If you follow these pages at all you will know that HL88 has a jolly avuncular relationship with the pro cycling Team Vitesse. The riders on that team enjoy "prosumer" status. Not only does the team perform much of the field testing of new Manufactory products, team members pay a modest 8% premium for the same product that is available to consumers.
HL88 wants to acknowledge that incredible support with a special commemorative key fob. The Manufactory has created this fetching key fob made of plywoodium offcuts.
Each fob has been carefully sanded by trained professionals. This product will enhance any key management system you can imagine. Every prosumer receives a free Plywoodium key fob with any purchase between now and August 8th. Quantities are unlimited. If you are currently a consumer and wish to become a prosumer simply add 8% to every purchase. HL88 will do the rest.


Pebble Penetration - The New Menace

Riding during the winter months provides challenges which seem unthinkable to the layman or woman. Layering, tyre choices, Cold Arm, spectacle fogging, and frightful weather conditions are just some of the obstacles bested each day by h2o.
One problem that has received little or no attention to this point in time is an emerging phenomena tentatively called Pebble Penetration. Initial studies have shown that lugged rear tyres transfer small gravel from the actual road surface and deposits the irritants in the shoes of the cyclist. Upon lighting from his steed the cyclist suffers immeasurable aggravation in his lower extremities.
True to its intrepid mission statement, Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory has stepped up with a solution likely to be duplicated by other cycling team sponsors.

The Pebble Penetration Protection System has been unleashed on an unsuspecting particle population (double click image for viewing enhancement). Using a clever concoction of duck tape and plywood, a blocking system which funnels the offensive particles away from the ankle is now being used by Team Vitesse. Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory has got your back and foot.



You may have heard about the product recalls that Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory has had to make recently. Cycling Cosmonaut would like to bring you up to date on them and what HL88 is doing to make things right for you and your family.
Just the other day, they decided to pull about 25 million boxes of their most popular performance cereal, POW!er Pro-Seed Flax Melange (with actual raisins) out of stores world wide. This is not because they had to but because they decided to. Apparently the liner bags were found to contain a possible health hazard. You might say, "What's the problem...who eats the bag?" HL88 is not taking any chances and will be happy to send a legal liability release suitable for framing to the first eighty eight thousand people who send HL88 a proof of purchase seal. Once the release is returned to the Manufactory a small plywood token of appreciation will be sent back free of charge.
Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory is not stopping there. They are also recalling every 8 kilogram container of Pro Pumpkin Butter Puree manufactured between 1997 and 2008. Some consumers of this performance enhancing product feel that there is something just not right about the puree. HL88's philosophy is that bad things happen to good companies all the time. The recalls simply prove that HL88 has you and your family's best interests at heart.
Happy New Year from Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory.