Cyclocross. One Man's POV

Thank you H2O for your Team Vitesse race report and support in the last few races. It is true that this fall Team Vitesse and Dr K2 actually went as far as to sign up for some cyclocross races. After a decade long retirement from racing Dr K2 returned with a bang (well more of a whimper) proving the old adage that you are never too old to race for a worthwhile cause such as COLD ARM. Johan's revolutionary training techniques of "within power" and "freshness" were faithfully applied. No serious training was partaken by Dr K2 prior to the first race and within the first lap it was obvious that Dr K2 had mistaken within power for without power. The first race resulted in the gasping utterance of "i am never doing that again"....2 races later Dr K2 wonders if he may need to visit with the team's head shrinker (LB i need you!!).

Dr K2 has learned a number of valuable lessons which he would like to share with other Team Vitesse members:

1) Ten years away from bike racing is not "freshness" its "staleness"

2) Writing a thesis and changing diapers are not an appropriate training regime. Saint Eddy M. was correct in his assertion that one must "ride more"

3) Orange tooting horns from Holland look cute enough but they contain enough power to knock a grown man clean off a bike.

4) Race days are not "opposite days" therefore H2O suggestion to "keep it smooth" actually means to remain smooth not to dig ones head into the turf like a Belgian ostrich.

5) Within power works best when power actually exists within otherwise it is just a training gimmick used by Johan to support his baccarat habit.

6) "Lets go race it will be fun" ....who ever says these words should be kicked in the shins and the Team Vitesse member should promptly run away as fas as possible.

7) Start times are not suggestions unlike Johan's fluid (alcohol of his selection) sense of time, races exist on a prompt schedule. Arriving at the start line while having a team mate peel off your warmup jacket will not get you a good starting position.....and you know how important that is in cyclocross....well at least Dr K2 does now.

8) Never, I repeat never, enter the sand pit behind a camel....passing is not encouraged due to all the spitting and they often throw a hump not unlike an elbow in that favourite of Burundian sports, hockey.

9) Being of the same nationality as Ari Van der Pool does not immediately predispose one to the sport of cyclocross. A long winter of training at Cold Lake awaits Dr K2 in his quest to maintain mediocrity in the beginners class of cyclocross.


Dr K2 finds Within Power

After the disaster of Dr. K2's last cyclo-cross race, yesterday's triumph of smooth riding and Within Power maximization is a relief. That previous nightmare RED Cross race witnessed h2o urging his teammate on tp victory. Blowing his Johan Horn, h2o literally blew K2 off his bike. Dr. K2 went down and was promptly passed by 4 riders. He plummeted down the standings and blames the inopportune blast from the Johorn for his disappointing finish.

This Sunday's race would make the drama of his previous outing seem trivial. Dr. K2 got off to a very slow start from the back of the field. He quickly overtook weaker riders on the steep inclines deep in the fecund forest. Passing areas were at a premium on this difficult course but K2 always found a way.
Shown above, Dr. K2 deftly passes a highly ranked camel. Apparently, the camel and its jockey suffered a mechanical and retired to the oasis. K2 finished the epic having only one fall which h2o did not witness and claims absolutely no responsibility for.


Lampo IS the Bagman

Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory has scored a tour de force with its newest bag collection. Creatively dubbed the "Lampo Collectzione", this high quality plywood satchel is a one of a kind carrying experience.

Made to the strict standards of Lampo Bianco and his advisory staff, the Lampo Collectzione courier bag boasts an impressive pedigree. Cut from the same plywoodium cloth as the Ultimate Bag, Lampo's new bag contains refinements only possible in the sweat shop atmosphere of the Happy Lucky 88 studios.
Whether you are on a forced march or merely picking up this distinctive bag in a feed zone, the Lampo Collectzione is a must have for the up and coming or mature racer.


HL88's New Element Announced

Top scientific minds at Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory have convinced the world chemical community that Plywood and its underlying element, Plywoodium, ranks as an element of the periodic table. In fact, it has replaced Radium which has the same atomic weight - 88.

Recently, a liberated Chilean miner brought rocks to the surface to share with his saviours. These rocks are said to contain traces of plywoodium.

Certain factions of the international scientific community have expressed concern that Radium is a useful element and should not be bumped off the chart. HL88 officials have disarmed these alarmist contrarians by proving to them that Plywood can do just about anything, as evidenced by the incredible success of Team Vitesse.
News of its inclusion as an element has caused a spike in Plywoodium prices at $888.88 per metric ounce.


Cosmodrome Annex Opens

The official opening of the Other Cosmodrome Annex took place over the weekend. No HL88 dignitaries physically attended but were virtually present through the magic of modern telecommunications. The annex can hold up to 8,000 board feet of plywood, a boast that will soon be confirmed by the Chinese Cruncher. "Security of plywood is my paramount concern. In fact I could care less about it" mumbled Johan during a particularly bad night at the casino.
With security in mind, HL88's contracted designer, PE5GW (soon to be PE6GW), added modesty panels to the structure. "The modesty panels allow light to enter but never leave, much like a black hole only in an off white", chirped the team ornithologist.
This handsome structure is ready to accept shipments of Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory's indispensable raw material.


h2o Solos to Victory

It was a dour battle against a light wind and inertia today as h2o rode his heart out for Team Vitesse. The day dawned cloudy with an oppressive sense of anticipation. h2o would set forth on a epic ride for the ages. The friendly familiar roads turned angry and unrecognizable setting the stage for a struggle of titanic proportions. The billowing clouds of effluent from the vibrant petrochemical plants served double duty as backdrop and lung coating. Johan bellowed into his earpiece spurring h2o to trash talk himself to the top podium spot. Despite his tears of exertion, h2o was still able to identify roadkill as he churned his way up the continuous false flat. One ex porcupine and one ex chickadee were noted. Other breathing wildlife included 7 llama(s) and a flock of 7 geese. These counts, of course, are in direct violation of Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory's entrenched corporate bylaws stating that all random number occurrences must end in the number eight (8). No doubt h2o will suffer severe consequences for refusing to pad his wildlife counts. Picking up Johan's bar tab can be prohibitively expensive.


Vitesse Ornithologist to Change Feathers

Rumour and innuendo have reared their ugly heads around the Other Cosmodrome. A possible purchase of a sixth grinder could potentially take place. This sixth grinder, similar to a sixth sense, will reach speeds of relatively low r.p.m. in the wonderful world of grinders. "Polishing granite will become a grinding reality for me" trilled PE5GW. History will repeat itself when a Team Vitesse member's handle will be modified to suit your screen. Only after visual proof is presented to cycling cosmonaut will PE5GW (Pointy Elbow 5 Grinder Wife) become PE6GW (Pointy Elbow 6 Grinder Wife). Johan was nonplussed murmuring, "Vitesse has grinders? Shouldn't they be in the team car for some reason?"


HL88 Congratulates World Champion

Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory has joined the chorus of congratulations ringing in Thor Hushovd's ears. Thor won the jersey in Australia this past weekend riding for Norway. HL88 has had a long association with Norway because some of the raw materials which go into the production of plywood have their origin in the forests of Norway.
Thor will make a great world champion and ambassador for Norway's burgeoning plywood supply apparatus.