Happy Lucky Not So Lucky

Despite the resiliency of the plywood market and cycling products made therewith, Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory has been forced to cut its level of sponsorship to Team Vitesse. This will be most noticeable as the team car follows the team at the major Pro-Tour events in 2011. Officials at the Manufactory hung their heads in shame at the announcement. "There will be no reduction of roadside support at the grand tours." Johan spewed further, " Our protected riders will be able to receive my advice in real time on real roads. Of course I will be travelling in reduced comfort in the camper with unspecified guests while one of the domestiques powers this wagon along."

Reached for comment, Lampo Bianco quipped, "What is good for Johan is good for the team." Dr. K2 was more assertive, "I never want to be a domestique again!". Team Vitesse's continued blind faith in Johan's managerial skills should pay dividends in 2011.


Life Imitates Blog AGAIN

Whoever said that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery underestimated the WITHIN POWER of Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory. In a thinly veiled advertising gambit, a large chain store has crossed an unwritten rule in the sand. HL88's legal counsel is calling for backup to establish whether the "88" in its title can be used by just anyone without HL88's express written consent.
It does seem a bit more than coincidental that this upstart tire store for Canadians is marking its 88th birthday. Could it be that they are riding the brand recognition coattails that Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory has tirelessly developed with the magic of plywood?


Life Imitates Blog

As if proof were required to affirm the power of this blog, it has been reported that manager Pino of the Xacobeo-Galicia pro team, has taken a strip off one of his riders in the manner of Team Vitesse's illustrious manager, Johan.

“I want Ezequiel to be calling me an asshole, because you have to provoke him,” Pino told a Spanish newspaper. “If you provoke in private, he doesn’t react, which is why I did it in public. I want him to be telling me: ‘There’s no director who is more of an asshole than you are!’ That’s what I’m looking for. I’m doing it for his own and the team’s good.” This is a direct threat to Team Vitesse's asshole manager Johan has held the title of biggest asshole for some long time.

Although Johan denies it (or doesn't remember), his brief stint on the motivational speaking circuit must have made quite an impression on Pino. "If any rider ever calls me an asshole I will relegate them to BMX racing for the rest of their lives" drooled Johan.

Courier Game Support

Many questions have arisen about HL88's new game, Courier Death Race.

Q: What game console will work?
A: In its usual singular vision, Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory will support the game with a series of game consoles. "PlyStation 8", "PlyBOX" and "PlyBOX368" will all be available when the game is released.

Q: Can the courier try some of the product they are delivering?
A: Yes, but the courier risks being docked points after compromising the integrity of the kilo.

Q: What kind of hats can the player choose for his courier?
A: HL88 is working with famous hat designers such as Bert&Fiona, Valentino and Johnny the Uke to design a full range of exciting choices.


HL88 to Deliver Interactive Game

You the faithful reader have come to expect the highest in quality and excellence from Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory. Once again they appear on the verge of delivering AGAIN.
At the recently concluded Eurobike 2010 in Frankfurt, a high ranking official at the HL88 plywood booth announced, off the record, that HL88 has begun development of an interactive video game called "Courier Death Race". Specifics are sketchy but it appears that players will be required to deliver virtual packages by fixed gear bicycles while facing the usual gaming obstacles.
Deliveries take place in very realistic computer settings imitating Delhi, NYC or Smoky Lake. Players must use the "delivery package menu" to choose from divorce documents, a kilo of cocaine, or 1 quart sweet and sour soup. Gamers also have a choice of gear ratio, HL88 Plywood accessories and hat style. Points are awarded for speed of delivery and the integrity of the package upon delivery. To make the game more interesting and engaging, the delivery route will have pop-up plywood barricades, potholes, pedestrian interference, police chases and obstructionist gang related activity. During the delivery, accidents can befall the player ranging in severity from bullet wounds to the game ending "chain-slip-top-tube-berry-crush". The player "refuels" along the route by absorbing sandwiches made of whitefish and plywood.
Official release of Courier Death Race will occur in time for Christmas. Stay tuned!


Carbon Bike Print

Team Vitesse has sent h2o to Happy Lucky 88 headquarters at his own
great expense. The stipulation was that he would attempt to reduce his
carbon footprint. Setting out under steady drizzle, intrepid h2o has
managed to cover the 220 kms in good time considering his full
panniers. "Drafting behind tractor trailers is a great energy saver"
shouted h2o above the highway din. "I should make tomorrow's finance
meeting by next week" he added. Johan has been providing his usual
derisive comments on race radio. Somethings never change.


Cycling Weather Report

This morning, the cycling cosmonaut found the ambient temperature to be fairly moderate. However, over the course of the pre-dawn ride, a nasty wind blew up causing concerns for chakra upset. This lower level disturbance is blowing hyper cool air around causing restrained to excessive discomfort. The threat of rain is imminent as the low hanging clouds belie a sinister intention for precip. Should one spend time in the out-of-doors, one would be well advised to don an ensemble featuring two of the following: warmth, water repellent ability or style. Matching socks are also highly recommended. The precip is predicted for this afternoon but this reporter would not be surprised that localized showers will provide the liquid at any point in the future.


News of WORC

The following press release from Lampo Bianco has been edited. It has been formatted to fit your screen.

Western Oceanic Research Cosmodrome (WORC) is lurching into productivity. The intertube and telephonic systems are finally on-line after Doukhobors were paid in ugly fabric to dig new under-ocean channels to install the wires. Johan will hopefully be pleased for once. Endless lists of to-do's initially gave Lampo mental scabies and crotch rot, but he has learned to relax, take each moment as it comes, enjoy the process, prioritize and forget the insignificant items; basically to give up. The house is sound, the vibe is great, the support superb, the deck a dream, the environ breathtaking. Tomorrow workers arrive early to install 200 AMPS OF RAW RIPPING POWER to generate enough energy to run the various Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory machinery. The bikes are dormant but Johan has given me a reprieve during the installation of the HL88 facility. Lampo Bambino is well and looking forward to catching some rays on the deck.

Night Train, pivotal member of Team Vitesse on the European beachhead, has returned to the bike after that unfortunate scuffle with some Canada Geese. It took 2 months to remove the feathers from the spokes but the time has come to work off all those endless Peking Goose dinners.

Dr. K2 has gone undercover working for a reputable red bike shop. His assistance in searching out new bike bling has been instrumental in the increase in h2o's account at said store. He has begun training for the cyclo-cross season by riding 15 minutes to work and dismounting at traffic lights to run across the intersection.


Swedish Banana Peeled

As announced on these pages yesterday, images of the Swedish Banana are now available for your perusal.
It is obvious that the Other Cosmodrome Security Forces are on maximum CODE RED HIGH Alert with the arrival of this 7th wonder of the cycling world.
This almost complete view of the Swedish Banana also reveals the new plywood storage facility currently under construction at this point in time.
A close-up of the much vaunted couplers, coupled with the high voltage steel mesh of the plywood storage facility. Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory insists on this level of security for its raw material inventory. Naturally, any bicycles stored in the immediate proximity of the inventory fall under the same secure anti-theft sector control. HL88 takes its responsibility for serene cycling sustainability seriously.


Refurbished Sled on the Road

Team Vitesse has issued an update on the May 20th vehicular entanglement involving h2o and the "banana" bicycle. The banana's distinctive yellow fenders and tasty components have been transferred to a blue traveler's check (fotos to follow). This rendition of an old theme hints at a Swedish influence coupled with breakdown ability. The "Swedish banana" has the capability to be transported to the West Coast Cosmodrome at the drop of a wrench.

In other news, great strides were recently made in the Other Cosmodrome's outdoor plywood inventory storage facility. The Chinese Cruncher, acting on vague orders from Johan, will attend the official ribbon cutting ceremony once the roof has been installed and immediately begin the arduous task of plywood computation or plycomp. Work continues on facility designed to hold more than a few sheets of plywood. It is hoped that there will be room for a couple of bikes as well.