Become a "Friend of Team Vitesse"

As we can all appreciate, it costs money to run a professional cycling team. Team Vitesse is no exception as it strives to coddle riders on all 8 continents. h20 recently performed his fiduciary duty for the team and found that expected savings on core delivery against the counterfactual inflationary increase has caused reprioritisation to fund a wider range of investment baselines. This will ensure the long-term sustainability of equality and diversity into core objectives. Of course certain obfuscation elements were eliminated from his final report.
The take away from this misleading and vague report has spawned a new fund raising initiative to maintain the lifestyles of Team Vitesse and Johan to which they have become accustomed.
Now you can become a "Freind of Team Vitesse". Donators of considerable size will receive superlative discounts from team sponsor Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory. Contributors of stupendous bigness can anticipate short sojourns from the greatest stars of Team Vitesse both past and present. Lampo Bianco has graciously offered to make himself at home with you for months on end if the end result allows the management system to become embedded within a sustainable business process, allowing for risks to be escalated up and down the organisation as necessary.

Team Vitesse practices Barrel Racing

In an effort to improve left hand turning skills, Team Vitesse will spend countless hours barrel racing. Shown here in their vintage kit, the team enjoys a tactical game of tag.

h20's Humour Hiatus

Acolytes of this blog may have noticed that the cycling cosmonaut has not been adding to the pile lately. Instead of bi-weekly additions the contributions have dwindled to bi-monthly since the advent of the new decade. The editor has had to devote much of his energies to the fiscal side of Team Vitesse. As a result, h20 seems to have lost his sense of fun; that brand of quintessentially down home folksy so-called cycling humour all ye gentle readers have come to relish and rely on. Please be patient while h20's humour hiatus humps homeward.

HL88 to sue for copyright infringement

It has come to the attention of Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory management that unauthorized manipulation of the famed CAFIB has taken place. Rip&Hammer (a.k.a. R&H) was the hand model in the orginal launch of this wonderful HL88 product and was first to notice that he had never been to Holland. Likely originating in some Eastern European sweet shop, the so-called "dutch" CAFIB appears to be an altered version of the original CAFIB.

It is difficult to describe the disappointment rippling through the true believers. Items on internet can be changed! God knows what else has been falsified on the vorld vide veb...

Fans of cycling cosmonaut should be satisfied with cycling cosmonaut dogma. All content appearing on these web pages is factual and truthful to the best of my imagination.

2010 Thoughts & Predictions

Countless readers of this blog have been whining and kvetching about the dearth of postings of late. Both these blog followers can rest assured that the cycling cosmonaut has been gathering innuendo, intell and gossip for the start of Team Vitesse's 2010 campaign.

h20 finally found the holiday season exit. Unfortunately he has found that most of his clothing has become smaller. A full investigation in consultation with Hat Model has been launched into the best supplier of elastic waste bands.
Le Triple, our continental European based team member, has created a CAFIB with a distinctly "Dutch" flavour. This version of the popular and timeless CAFIB is one whose beauty is eclipsed only by its superb utilitarian aspects. Fear not faithful readers, 2010's blog will not stray from the proven formula of ancient days. It will continue to strive for increased perfection with thought provoking and inspiring stories from Team Vitesse sponsored by Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory.

Training Camp Judged a Success

Johan has declared the 2009 edition of the Smoky Lake training camp to be an overwhelming success. "Not only was the temperature less than minus 35 C, the wind chill made the temperature minus 50!" he said with relish from his Lake Como hot tub. One of the most popular team building exercises included the entire cycle of wool production from sheep shearing to spinning to actual scarf knitting. Team Vitesse members were also kept busy hauling water from a nearby lake in zip lock bags. Reaction to the camp was mixed. Lampo enjoyed gathering dried frozen dung for the evening's cooking fire. K2nees showed alacrity with shears but never mastered the knack with knitting needles. h20, who had bad sensations, was forced to keep his feet in his armpits for warmth. This position precluded any other activity.
Group rides began and finished in the dark due to the 6.5 hours of sunlight at this time of the year. Riders were once again thankful for the Prosperous Contented Obstruction Blocking which provided partial relief from the icy cold wind.
Reached by telephone in his luxurious villa, Johan had nothing but praise for his team. "Smoky Lake is a place of dreams. The team defrayed some of my overhead with their knit wear production. Frozen extremities are a small price to pay for this special experience."
Alberto can only look on in envy from the Astana training camp in Spain.

Training Camp Announced

This year's Team Vitesse training camp will once again be based in the parking lot of the Pelican Hotel in Smoky Lake. It has been suggested by K2nees that all attendees ride to base camp wearing as little as is acceptable by law. The wind is expected to be strong with an average temperature of minus 28. "Perfect weather to get some miles into the legs," cried Johan into his spilled milk. Members of Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory are busy setting up camp and preparing the muktuk delicacy so desired by Team Vitesse riders like Lampo Bianco who stated emphatically, "I love to rub that **** on my frozen extremeties."

K2nees demands more ballsiness

We have forgotten the wisdom of Johan and WWJD (What Would Johan Do?). I for one am advocating a return to the cruel harsh reality of winter training. Cast of your designer scarves and let them blow in the wind for Johan demands that we toughen up. We require no stinking Danish bank boot camp. We have all the elements at our disposal. How will we ever arrive at a place of good sensations if we can't pack our pain away in a suitcase of courage and hide it in the pain cave?
I for one am training this winter season sans scarf and shirt. I am attempting to recreate the robotic discipline shown late great (dead and frozen) Russian riders who felt grateful for their paltry morning gruel and anything resembling clothing. By hardening my body to the elements I shall gain a level of mental fortitude only displayed by Johan the Souse at the Blackjack table.
My wish this festive season is for one and all to change their bourgeois ways and find out what WWJD really means on a personal level. As for me I am wishing speedy, efficient amputations and an early spring.
Kindest regards, K2nees

A Tale of 2 Scarves

Have you ever wondered what riders like h20 do when they are not on a bike or tending their saddle sores? Today cycling cosmonaut is proud to publish a scientific survey by author Hammer of Holland (h20).

You might be wondering which scarf I chose to wear today. Since the morning low is a mere minus 15, I chose a multicoloured scarf from Florence, expecting that its thinner nature would be suitable for the moderated temperature. I have some interesting observations that I would like to share with you.
The scarves in this analysis will be called Sisley (long navy blue cotton/wool mix, purchased in Florence, Italy) and Ermini (striped delicately coloured wool, also purchased in Florence, Italy).
The scarves were tested for the following characteristics: Neck warmth, facial coverage and overall look.

Sisley:
Neck warmth – okay to good
Face coverage – moderately excellent to excellent. The stretchiness of the weave would make full facial coverage at lower temperatures impossible.
Overall look – utilitarian excellence (not to be confused with Unitarian excellence)

Ermini:
Neck warmth – excellent to extremely excellent. almost too excellent
Face coverage – probably poor to moderate due to its narrower nature.
Overall look – elegant excellence with aspirations of operatic attendance.

Conclusion: depending on where I am going and who I might meet on the way, the wind conditions and a variety of factors too numerous to mention, both scarves have a purpose and are welcome additions to the scarf stable.

Team Vitesse Concerned

The announcement that head tattoos will be mandatory at the Team Vitesse training camp has created controversy among the riders. Johan's vision for the "dude" tattoo has K2nees agitated, "I don't like the font that is typical of prison tattoos. I want Helvetica or nothing. It will be much easier to read." Johan thought that Helvetica was a mixed cocktail and is looking into just what Helvetica is...
Night Train questioned the permanent nature of prison tattoos. "I don't want it to come off in the first rain storm!" she injected.
Johan still has to determine who will apply the tattoos. His plan is to assign "tattoo partners" from within the team who will apply the ink to each other. Funnily enough, Johan has not been assigned a partner at this point in time.