Within Power Catchy

Other teams in the professional peleton are adopting the patented Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory's WITHIN POWER, made popular by h2o on these blogular pages. It seems that a member of BBox is using a psychologist to hone his visualization. Too bad that rider had to settle for second best. WITHIN POWER is a more expensive and therefore an extremely more better method of winning and winning huge. Johan's take on the matter is accurate as usual, "When I heard about other teams and their so called sports psychologists I immediately thought - SUCKAHS! WITHIN POWER from HL88 comes in tablet as well as liquid form. It cuts out the middle man." Indeed all of Team Vitesse has prospered from the WITHIN POWER tablet. Known as the "P tab" in the team Winnebago, Team Vitesse drops or pulls a tab whenever their power levels drop.

Currently the team's theme song is BTO's "Takin' Care of Business" bellowing on a continuous loop via a quadraphonic setup prior to each race. When coupled with a "P tab" the riders become extremely motivated. "I just want to get out there and race!", yelled Lampo over the din. Dr. K2 shrieked, "This song is really growing on me. Repetition can have that effect".

Cold Arm Misconceptions

One of the widespread misconceptions about Cold Arm is that the condition is less likely to manifest itself during the lovely days of summer. It is for this reason that this blog once again provides a dour warning to all unsuspecting humankind.

It is only natural that a person would want to enjoy the warmth of a gentle sun upon his or her arms. After all that is why short sleeved shirts were invented. However, danger lurks once the golden rays of the sun set each day. To the innocent and naive, the most perilous time for the onset of Cold Arm are the hours between sunset and sunrise also known as night. It is during this period of darkness that Cold Arm sweeps in to wreak havoc and discomfort.

One should always be on the alert for the symptoms of Cold Arm and take the proper precautions to avert tears, wailing and gnashing. The symptoms begin with the feeling of cold on the arm followed by a general dropping of skin temperature in the arm area. Specially designed shirts and sweaters with long sleeves will help alleviate Cold Arm. Blankets can assist in reducing the uncomfortable feeling of Cold Arm and return the arm to its natural temperature.

During this summer of joyful warmth, please remain alert for the ugly spectre of Cold Arm.

New Team Vitesse Addition(s)

Hard on the heels of Dr. K2's addition to the peleton comes Lampo Bambino, son of the great Lampo Bianco. Weighing in at solid 4 kilograms, LB Jr. is now the lightest rider on Team Vitesse and is tipped to be a future King of the Mountains Jersey winner. Lampo Bambino will start riding with Team Vitesse's Under 1 program along with K2's daughter O. Both of these up and coming stars start their careers with hairless legs.

The future of Team Vitesse and its prestigious sponsor Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory is secure thanks to these new young riders progressing up the ranks.

Alberto Embraces Vitesse Tactics

Stage 15 of this year's edition of the Tour de France has now supplied an excellent dose of controversy. On the final grade over an unpronounceable Col or Porte or whatever, Alberto attacked the hapless Schleck during the latter's dropped chain. "Chain dropsy" is cycling code for a screw up in the shifting mechanism caused by using SRAM components. Obviously Contador has been reading this blog and liked what he saw under the Heavy Drop segments published on this pages. Living up to his nickname "El Pistola Bad Manners", Contador contravened the unwritten rule that one does not attack while your opponent is freaking out at the roadside during a mechanical incident.

By taking a page out of h2o's "Heavy Drop" play book, Contador has ensured that he will go down in infamy and his nickname is upgraded (or downgraded depending on how you look at it) to "El Pistola Cheating SOB".

Reached for comment in his hammock, Johan drawled, "Attacking should by its very nature, be a surprise. Why not attack when your opponent whines by the roadside? h2o has had great success with this tactic." Both Lampo and Dr. K2 have received this treatment and swear to its morale crushing consequences. Team Vitesse approves of Alberto's cycling code transgression.

Happy Lucky's New BAG

Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory has completed the development, testing and implementation of a new technology -- technology so advanced it can only be described as a paradigm shift in engineered design. HL88 has created a plywood that looks, acts and feels like cotton material. Under proper controlled circumstances it can be crafted into enduring, classic, and useful products. Similar to Chrysler's Corinthian leather in its durability and tactile suppleness, this plywood material obeys all the laws of thermodynamics and even absorbs 8 times its weight in h20!

The plywood interior of the new HL88 "Ultimate" model of the BAG.

If Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory made it YOU know it is of excellent quality.

Cosmonauts on the Road - the Metaphor of Hair

Yesterday protected rider Lampo Bianco began training in earnest for the Tour de France. The Tour may have started already but LB is determined to join the peleton during the Pyrenean stages later in the month. To that end he has quit his day job as madcap impresario to devote himself full time to Johan's sage advice. Lampo took the unusual step of removing the hirsute mat that covered his lily white legs. "I used an electric hair device which is never as effective as a razor. Thus I avoided excessive blood loss", barked Lampo through the strong headwind. His babbling continued, "Stray hair always remains on the knees particularly. These few follicles flap furtively providing a beacon of leadership during stressful periods".

Johan seems to agree with this assessment adding, "the freshness exhibited by Lampo is phenomenal. Indeed it is akin to the meerkat's entertainment abilities."

Meanwhile, Dr. K2 was performing thigh strengthening exercises as he pulled his daughter around in a bike trailer. The weight savings of titanium were easily cancelled out by the dead weight in the trailer.