Not so Happy Lucky 88

This neglected bicycle did not have the benefit of Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory's most excellent Super Absorbent Rain Cape. If the owner had taken advantage of the special holiday offer he or she would not be confronted with this sorry sight. Team Vitesse joins Happy Lucky 88 in wishing that all neglectful cyclists purchase a rain cape today.

I WAS ABDUCTED BY COCKLE TESTERS - an exclusive report -PART 1

A team member's intimate and touching story of a random cockle test follows. We will call the rider Big Jim (BJ) to protect his privacy.

Cycling Cosmonaut: Tell us how you were contacted by the authorities.
Big Jim: A white van stopped in front of my residence at 0800 hours. 8 burly men in white lab coats stood at my door wearing purple latex gloves. I will never forget those purple latex gloves as long as I live.
CC: You must have been scared...did they identify themselves?
BJ: I had received the cockle briefing notes from Johan but I had no idea who they were until I saw the Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory logo on their uniforms. Then I knew my cockles were going to be tested. Instinctively I felt my cockles adopting a defensive posture.
CC: What happened next?
BJ: 2 of the men threw a black bag over my head and I was bundled into the back of the idling van. I realized that struggle was useless against their superior numbers. I remember that the van's interior smelled like a mixture of cumin tinged sweat, lavender and burnt electrical circuits. The music was remarkable.
CC: Can you remember what you heard?
BJ: Over the shouts and murmurs of the testing men I thought I heard the toe tapping vocal stylings of Barry Manilow. I felt warm and comfortable in my Happy Lucky 88 pyjamas as the blue and red electrodes were attached...

Please return to Cycling Cosmonaut for PART 2 of this EXCLUSIVE report -I had my Cockles Tested...

Readers' Forum -- Q&A

If the SMEVEC 88T is as good as it sounds the entire racing world would be using it as part of their off season training strategy.
How many teams have actually signed on to SMEVEC to date?

So far the only team to have signed a deal with Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory is Team Vitesse. This collaboration has produced some excellent products which have pushed the envelope of racing and drawn a line in the sand to which other companies must step up to the plate.

How do you expect SMEVEC to actually affect the outcome of 2009's time trials?

Team Vitesse has spent the last month in a training camp near Smoky Lake. The performance tracking capabilities of the SMEVEC 88T indicate a steady improvement for all team members. If it rains on time trial day, the combination of Super Absorbent Rain Cape, the SMEVEC 88T and a downhill course will undoubtedly give Team Vitesse a distinct advantage. Which other team can produce calculations based on Onsager Reciprocal Relations (the 4th Law of Thermodynamics) during race conditions? The other huge advantage that Team Vitesse will have is the Prosperous Contented Obstruction Blocking. This ferring integrates seamlessly with the Super Absorbent Rain Cape and the SMEVEC.
Once the other teams see the wisdom of riding with 25 or 30 kilos of aerodynamic plywood they will be lining up to get on the Happy Lucky 88 bandwagon.

SMEVEC Submariner Revelations!

A Team Vitesse colleague based in London, England reports that the new revolutionary cycling computer, the SMEVEC 88T, works underwater! Details are sketchy, however it is believed that team member "Night Train" rode off a pier near Dover and was able to calculate her speed of descent while plunging to the bottom of the North Sea. At the same time she managed to prove, to 2 decimal places, the standard atomic weight of molybdenum (95.94 g-mol).
Kudos to Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory for developing such a versatile product and to Night Train for her dedication to science under adverse conditions.

Heavenly Enhancement from Happy Lucky 88

The SMEVEC 88T has finally arrived in North America. The long awaited PROFESSIONAL model of biofeedback information technology emanates from the innovators of such exciting products as the "Panel of Sponsor" and "Prosperous Contented Obstruction Blocking". Actually used by Team Vitesse under race conditions in a professional peleton, SMEVEC 88T's functionality, sleek Hyper-aerodynamic Input Performance* (HIP) and high volume deliverable interface have solidified the reputation of Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory in the industry.

Insert foto shows the optional Globe Positioning System upgrade. The GPS can be easily attached to the flight deck platform using Happy Lucky 88's trademark adhesive. The Formulaic Option Computation (FOC) were previously posted on this site. The FOC posting demonstrates only a small portion of possible possibilities from the interface between rider and SMEVEC.

Every SMEVEC 88T comes complete with the diverting "Elated Guide to Sublime Interface" command sheet. Happy Lucky 88's team of engineer won the prestigious 2008 "Golden Mind of Contentment" award for his clipped and turgid writing style in this engaging document.

Now you can solve for unknown unknowns or measure and enjoy thermodynamic transfer rates, gas volumetrics, complex chemical compound weights -- all while riding your bicycle with the Sublime Motion Elated Velocity Enlightenment Computation!

Now there is nothing stopping you from leaving the peleton behind with the SMEVEC 88T!

SMEVEC 88T formulates the IMAGINATION

Excitement is building towards the imminent launch of the SMEVEC 88T. The logical "next step" in biofeedback systems for the cyclist, the SMEVEC 88T builds on the impressive output of the SMEVEC 8 increasing functionality with higher volume deliverables.

The clamour for information about Happy Lucky 88's newest product has induced the engineers at the Manufactory to pre-release the attached information sheet (closer scrutiny possible by clicking on image). It represents just some of the solutions that can be solved when applying the SMEVEC 88T formulas.

This should serve to whet the appetite of all bicycle enthusiasts who desire the best performance from themselves and from a cycling computer.

Online Survey passes test

The results of the Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory Survey indicate that readers are interested in plywood spandex and more cockle testing.
Particularly surprising is the choice of lycra influenced plywood. The technology does not yet exist to marry these two elements but our readers have faith that Happy Lucky 88 will come up with a solution.
The desire for more voluntary out-of-competition cockle testing attests to the indomitable spirit of respondents' clean transparent lifestyle. They appear to be saying "I am not afraid...my cockles are not afraid...bring on the cockle testing apparatus to test my cockles!". This attitude can only be good for cycling and will ensure unsullied cockles of the highest polish and sheen.
Thanks to all of you who responded to the online survey.

Better Performance thanks to Super Absorbent Rain Cape

Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory, in conjunction with Team Vitesse, has unveiled the preliminary sketch of the "hydrophyllic" Super Absorbent Rain Cape. A variation of the ever popular Super Absorbent Rain Cape, this improved product is the direct result of Team Vitesse feedback. Team members asked "wouldn't we go faster if the rain cape absorbed more rain?". Happy Lucky 88's R&D department immediately set to work to increase the absorption quotient and produce a thermodynamically favourable plywood.

Now available in time for the rainy season, the Super Absorbent Rain Cape comes in one exciting colour. Order the SMEVEC 8 and receive part of a rain cape with every SMEVEC ordered!

SMEVEC 88T Passes Road Tests like a Champion

These exclusive fotos of the Sublime Motion Elated Velocity Enlightenment Computation 88T (SMEVEC 88T) display the kind of rigorous testing any Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory product receives. Shown above, a member of Team Vitesse puts the SMEVEC 88T through its paces on an uphill stretch in the Dolomites. Capable of high level calculations including barometric pressure, time zones, pivot tables and regression analysis, the SMEVEC 88T will be released to the public in the very near future.

Stay tuned to CYCLING COSMONAUT for updates!!

SMEVEC - the new GOLD standard in Performance Measurement

Introducing the SMEVEC 8 - it's what every cyclist worthy of the name needs this holiday. The SMEVEC 8, Happy Lucky 88's introductory model in biofeedback information systems technology, is the only bicycle computer on the market with a seamless rider-machine interface. The Sublime Motion Elated Velocity Enlightenment Computation or SMEVEC for short, puts wireless speed/cadence, heart rate, and optimal power data on one easy-to-read display platform.
Exploiting the proven engineering and design excellence of Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory, the SMEVEC 8 allows the serious amateur to focus on improving power, speed and overall performance -- just like the pros. You can use any wheel, hub, crank or chain--JUST MOUNT AND GO! There is no software to learn so you can immediately concentrate on objective based training workouts.

SMEVEC is where the REVOLUTION starts...what are YOU using to control and compute accurate biofeedback information on a timely basis?