Lampo Prepares for Ride of a Lifetime

Lampo Bianco has been hard at WORC (Western Oceanographic Research Cosmodrome) preparing for the "Ride to Conquer Cold Arm". In typical Lampo fashion, the Team Vitesse rider as eschewed all training opportunities. Instead he believes that freshness is his greatest ally in riding the 150 kilometer route along the ocean as part of a 3,000 strong peleton. Recently he mewed about his major concern, "I worry about how my posterior behind area will react to bicycle seat after 8 months off the bike..." Johan was quick to offer a myriad of solutions to this burning issue:
  1. Smear 1 pound of butter into the cycling chamois.
  2. Remove the seat completely to negate the potential for contact.
  3. Use "Within Power" to embrace the chaffing, raw, searing, burning agony.
  4. Employ Johan's helper monkey to do the ride for you.
  5. A combination any 3 above.
Whatever Lampo Bianco decides to do, the Ride to Conquer Cold Arm appreciates the effort in alleviating Cold Arm. He understands that Cold Arm is a determined foe.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Dear H2O,

Once again you have nibbled on the most potent nuggets of my current bucket of chicken. Being a witness to my own ridiculous narrative is pretty darn special, and frightening too. In the past, hyperbole was in action when referring to my lack of training. Now it's the crackling truth. Oh, and by the way, that's 260 f-ing km this emaciated ass has to endure in the saddle.

I will employ all four of Johan's suggestions if possible. What the hell have I gotten into?