Bjarne wants Vitesse and HL88

Rumours are often not worth the blog in which they are written, but it appears that the Doubting Dane, Bjarne Riis, has been seriously eyeing Team Vitesse and its beneficent sponsor Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory. The Dane's current team sponsor, Saxo Bank, is set to pull the plug at the end of this cycling season. The obvious choice is Team Vitesse, a team bristling with both young and old successfully unproven talent. But what really attracts the bald manager from Denmark are the consistent results achieved with Happy Lucky 88 plywood products and patented HL88 plywood support. Details are scanty at this point in time, however it can be said that Johan sees every reason to avoid working with Saxo's manager. "We have different styles. I like the look and feel of fortrel while the Dane prefers a nice draping rayon" said Johan from his hot tub.

It is eminently apparent that the 2 sides are very far apart and have much to discuss before an agreement can be reached.

Frisco Office Hipster Sighting

It can only be assumed from this foto that San Franciscans welcome sweaty office workers with open arms into the work-a-day business world. Such environmentally conscious office drones are also allowed to flaunt traffic laws by stopping mid-intersection for traffic lights.Johan approves of this urbane sophisticate and his cruiser with semi-ape hanger bars. Johan, always search for that winning "edge" for his team is thinking of making Team Vitesse mimic this setup to manage the cobbles in the 108th running of Paris-Roubaix.

There's a place for us

Recently h20 was greatly heartened by what must be termed a Bike Road in the Frisco area. Some progressive city fathers and mothers designated this passage safe for cyclists to travel with impunity offering that warm sense of warmth not unlike sitting on a furnace. Riding on this street with its inherent security from vehicular traffic could even be likened to having a birthday everyday.

One question remains however. What are those cars doing on this bike path?

Rumours of True "Western Cosmodrome"

Last June the western Cosmodrome was established. At that time only 2 cosmodromes existed, the original in Baikonur, Kazakhstan and the western Cosmodrome in Westmount also known as the Growlery. Now, emboldened with the full financial support of Johan, Lampo Bianco and Hat Model are considering starting a cosmodrome worthy of the name "Western Cosmodrome". Their establishment will be a state of the art facility on the east coast of the west coast of an island off the west coast of Canada. They are set to perform some due diligence on the proposed site before committing completely to this project. "We require full disclosure and a cost benefit analysis of the situation", snapped Lampo in an interview over the telephone. He continued, "Johan's support is key and we are taking this relocation with our heads firmly in the clouds and our shoes on the other feet".

Seeing Triple in Washington Square

While resting in Washington Square this reporter contemplated tai chi practitioners and hat purchases. Suddenly this monster cycle wobbled by. It was obviously designed to carry a couple of cox. Details are scant concerning any sacks or bags the cycle might have been sporting.

Seen in SF

h20 and PE5GW took time out from the heavy demands of HL88 to visit the Coit Tower and marvel at its Art Deco influences.

Frisco Ballsiness Knows No Bounds

Always on the look out for new trends in cycling, it was imperative that h20 remain on full alert while in SF. Nuances in the current wave of single speed, fixed gear and hipster commuting have developed a high degree of individualization peculiar to each cyclist. While plywood is the accessory of choice by Team Vitesse and its followers, cyclists in Frisco must resort to tried and true "red neck" solutions in order to insinuate themselves on the streets.

SF Bike Militants

h20's and PE5GW triumphant return from San Francisco was heralded by the plaintive wailing of See-Lion and by the smiling faces of Lampo Bianco and Hat Model at the airport on the weekend. h & P arrived tanned and fresh faced after 6 days in the Californian sun. They had attended Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory's product seminar and luncheon which was held at the corner of Market Street and 11 Street on the edge of the Tenderloin. Management picked this questionable site for their plywood cycling excellence to highlight the safety of plywood in the urban landscape. Judging from the poster below (which was plastered to a 4 x 8 sheet of plywood), local cyclists are a combative, judgmental, and agitated demographic.

HL88 wants to reach these potential disaffected consumers so that they too can enjoy some contented plywood superiority like Team Vitesse. One salient fact emerged. 3/4 inch plywood can stop up to 8 rounds from an 8 millimeter handgun. During the short periods of down time from the demands of HL88, h20 and PE5GW found time to relax along the tree lined boulevards.

Under glorious skies, the couple frequented hat and antique shoppes all the while keeping a keen look out peeled for exciting local colour and other foto opportunities.

West Coast Perspective

Gentle readers, this author will be spending some quality time testing Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory equipment in California next week. One of the many perks of working with such an illustrious sponsor is a free all expense paid trip to San Francisco paid by cycling cosmonaut. The plan is to test new plywood based cycling products under the watchful spirit of Karl Malden, patron saint of Plywood.

A full report will be posted upon my safe return from the city by the bay. Whatever the climactic conditions, knowing that Karl Malden has this author's back brings a sense of peace and contentment similar to the rejuvenating effects of the Euphoric Fountain of Youth Booth. Remember, ride safely and carry a working pump.

End Games

h20 has every right to feel violated this week. In one of the most blatant out of competition tests to date, h20 was required to drink a mixture of chemical grape, antifreeze and drano to facilitate a purge of the number 2 pipeline. In keeping with the spirit of cooperation inspired by Johan and fostered by Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory, all Team Vitesse riders signed an agreement for random testing at any point in time. This is the first time the agreement between WADA, UCI, AHS, EU, CAFIB, SMEVEC and Team Vitesse has been enforced.
Some have likened the purge to a shuttle launch and others to the results of eating poison rhubarb. "One hears stories of the abiding connection that develops between purger and commode, but until one actually drinks the vile concoction, one can never appreciate how important the white receptacle becomes", remarked h20.
h20's weight loss was 3.18 kilograms, the result of a 48 hour fast in concert with the consumption of 4 litres of liquid plumber. "The actual procedure was painless thanks to the deft work of Dr. Rump Ranger", a thankful h20 said.
The results of the out of competition test are not known at this point in time. However, it was remarked by staff that the colonoscopy was a boring procedure.