WORC works on BOFFOC

The Western Oceanographic Research Cosmodrome or WORC has tested some special equipment for use in the BOFFOC (Bags On Feet For Outdoor Cycling) testing. Of course, the testy competition has been suspended during the current seasonal warming period called spring. However, you can imagine the excitement and enchantment experienced by test subject and staff when the WORC equipment was unveiled.

The timeless beauty of the WORC BOFFOC bags was too much and h2o decided to circumvent the strict BOFFOC rules surrounding out of competition bag usage. A short BOFFOC demonstration reveals how the bags bear up under stress conditions. These particular bags are light and have a high crinkle factor with a bonus Dutch image printing feature. We will have to wait until the temperature dips below minus 25C to test these late entrants to the competition properly. However they will be very useful in maintaining dry feet if and when the snow finally melts to form large seasonal puddles and lakes.

Click on image for full effect.

Chakra Watch in Effect

Local cosmodrome officials have issued a rare Chakra Watch. The watch, not to be confused with a warning, means that the likelihood of personal chakras being negatively affected by wind is high. A Chakra Warning means that the likelihood is extreme. Measures to mitigate the upset chakra threat include ear muffs, a hat, staying indoors, staying in bed and the like. Although the ambient temperature is moderate, the isobars are close enough to generate significant air movement. This air movement, also called wind, has the potential to blow in one ear and out the other.

Some fools insist that an upset chakra is worse than Cold Arm. Cold Arm experts are unified in refuting this ridiculous claim and point to endless Cold Arm studies as proof that Cold Arm is a constant nefarious threat to humankind. Chakra upset means you should just cover your ears. No contest.

Cold Arm - New Unknown Danger

Faithful readers of this blog should be familiar with Cold Arm and its attendant dangers. Just today, a new menace associated with Cold Arm was identified. Cold Arm science is struggling to keep pace with this development. Of course, I speak of "Elephant Elbow".

Elephant Elbow is an alarming dryness on that bendy area where your arm bends. Untended, Elephant Elbow can reach epic proportions requiring gallons of lubricant. Elephant Elbow can be treated and, if monitored regularly, need not pose the same threat as Cold Arm. There is no direct link between Cold Arm and Elephant Elbow but it is only a matter of time before that link is defined. Medical studies have shown that the elbow is actually part of the arm so naturally Elephant Elbow could exacerbate Cold Arm symptoms.

Odometer Reset

You may have noticed that the Manufactory Hit Odometer was mysteriously reset overnight. This is most certainly sabotage perpetrated by certain competitors of Team Vitesse and Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory. Rest assured that an HL88 manual abacus backup system kept track of verified hits. The odometer has been set to the proper count. Johan is leading an investigation into who might have done this dastardly deed. "No code will be left uncoded!" launched Johan at the culprits. Lampo Bianco was amongst the last to notice that the odometer had been wound back to zero. This bot attack should serve as a warning that unscrupulous personages will stop at nothing to learn the secrets of plywoodium.

Check your Baggage

Today's baggage check or "BOFFOC" was cancelled due to the warming trend that is eking its way across the plains. You will agree that at minus 21 without the benefit of windchill, bag testing is a puerile pursuit.

Whenever the climatic conditions cooperate you can look forward to the following match ups:

Please click on the image for a marginally enlarged view of the Final Four in BOFFOCdom. Wagering on the Final Four is now available. Contact Johan the Omniscient for odds and sods.

It's in the BAG

Today's warming trend to minus 21 C could spell the suspension of BOFFOC testing. However, the elimination round was closed out today with 2 upstart challengers. A Sobey's bag (S) was pitted against a white bag (Whitey) with no identification. Whitey is the kind of bag that one would choose if one had to carry a pair of shoes to a party. Innocuous, plain but sturdy, Whitey ruled the day amidst controversy surround the effort of S. It seems that the Sobey's bag contained a paper till receipt which is likely to have provided a modicum of insulation. This unfair advantage has disqualified S from advancing to the next round. Science abhors a cheater.

No doubt everyone hopes for continued dismal cold weather so that the BOFFOC competition can reach a highly anticipated conclusion. We may get our wish because meteorologists predict cold mornings for some time to come.

Baggage Carousel

Today is March 2 and happily the deep freeze continues. I say happily because another cold day presents another exhilarating round of BOFFOC (Bags On Feet For Outdoor Cycling). The competitors were kindly supplied by a local BOFFOC consultant. She provided a Winners bag (W) and one from Liquor Depot (LQ). The windchill of minus 32 C was an ample challenge for the contestants. The bags are of a similar plastic consistency and crinkle factor. Both are thin with the LQ bag having more writing on the bag. This may or may not have made a difference in the results today.

A pleasant ride with the wind for the most part, brought me and my titanium steed to HL88's corporate HQ. The winner by a slim margin is the aptly named Winners bag. It will be moving on to the next round.

I was questioned by the BOFFOC consultant about the prudence of using a contestant bag twice in these competitions. To set the record straight, if the head to head battles are to be on the same footing, fresh bags will be used on each foot for each round. Good question! I am glad to see that someone is paying attention.