Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory has performed exhaustive tests on herbal supplements that can boost performance and almost completely avoid prolonged racing bans meted out by those nasty pee testers.
St. James's Wort
An illegitimate cousin to the more well known and popular St. John's Wort, this leafless root - taken in small doses - temporarily alleviates fatigue by approximating that feeling of rage you get when you stub your toe and it hurts so bad for a minute that you're not even thinking about how tired you are because you are so pissed off with the chair you stubbed your toe on and whoever put it in the way. The effects can be strategically applied during stage races at the discretion of the director sportif.
Victorian Tomahto Lace
Technically a vine, even though it grows out of the body of an animal we cannot show on these pages, this superfood substitute is believed to improve athletic performance during consumption of regular foodstuffs. Ingested by chewing on the plant's dried stalks, it diverts unnecessary calories to the sinus cavities and from there to the nose, where it exits in a clear but powerful jet (not unlike projectile sneezing).
1 comment:
Are you sure these are not on the banned substance list?
And why haven't I received my shipment, hand delivered by Johan no less? I want to be pissed off and rocketing snot on my next commute to work.
LB
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