Preparations are well under way at Team Vitesse. With the Grand Depart in Rotterdam on July 3, h2o wants to make a particularly good impression. Using his new found WITHIN POWER, h20 (hammer of Holland) has begun thigh strengthening exercises for the sprints in which he is sure to figure. By strapping a sewing machine to the back of his cycle, he is able to simulate the stresses upon reentry into the earth's atmosphere at any finish line.
Meanwhile, Lampo did some high altitude work in the Rocky Mountains this past weekend. His approach is much more grounded. He closely examined the architectural carpentry in his rented villa. "By repeatedly standing up from the fully prone position, I have increased the blood flow to my head. This will be vital to making good tactical decisions in the mountain stages of the Tour," mumbled LB as he swayed from the after effects.Not to be outdone, Dr. K2 continues to develop his upper body strength by lifting his own small children and his thesis whenever he has the chance. In contrast, Night Train completely ignores the pressures of training by opening small beer pubs in which her numerous garden slugs can drown their sorrows.
Johan seems pleased with the riders' progress but growled recently, "these riders are slack jawed pretenders. Only WITHIN POWER can possibly sustain them in the Tour."
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Dr. K2 has recently embarked on a new training regime that Johan has devilishly devised as a counter punch to the fiendishly clever WITHIN POWER heavy drop. This revised version plays to the good doctor's strengths. Termed the WITHOUT POWER heavy drop this cyclopedic manoeuvre requires poor sensations (which the good doctor has in spades and presumably should get a salve for), poor timing and a lack of training. While bench pressing theses and children may constitute training to some (the good doctor's wife for instance) the lack of "saddle time" is discouraging. However the WITHOUT POWER heavy drop turns these weaknesses into strengths and should have opponents of Team Vitesse shaking in their non-plywood boots. To recreate the feel of proper "saddle time" training, Johan has instructed Dr. K2 to tape a saddle to his day-to-day pants and cover his ears with sea shells. While this will surely recreate the wind effect of being on a bike (sans the dishevelled hair) its dependence on duct tape may prove to be a larger pain in the ass then removing the taped on saddle every evening.
Dr. K2, however, promises to persist in the nature of Team Vitesse and Happy Lucky 88 plywood components and will not wilt from the challenges of Johan like the super absorbent plywood rain cape in a thunder storm.
Johan promised to complete the trifecta of heavy drops tailored to each rider ensuring the press that Lampo will shortly unveil his new team tactic. Lampo, however, was not available for comment, but some grumbling was heard.
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