There has been moderate interest from one of our readers into the state of mind of the brave Team Vitesse cyclists. We are assured that their spirits are relatively high thanks to a wonderful selection of merry moving music available on a Walkman shared amongst the team. When batteries are available, a rider can listen to such inspirational tunes as:
- The theme from "Jaws"
- "Up up and away" by the 5th Dimension
- "The Cheese Song"
- "99 bottles of Beer on the Wall" as sung by the Welsh Minors Chorus
- "Skinnimarinky Dinky Do" by Sharon, Lois & Bram
- the vocal stylings of Perry Como crooning the entire Engelbert Humperdink songbook
- "Do you know the way to San Jose" as performed by SeaLion
Now you too can enjoy this timeless motivational music during your training rides or anytime you need a pick-me-up. Contact cycling cosmonaut to receive your cassette or 8 track tape of "The Songs of the 2009 Vitesse Campaign". Remember that all selections in this collection were approved by Johan so they have to be GOOD.
Team Vitesse has been wending its way through the Austro-Hungarian empire towards the start line in Paris on April 12. Kitted out in their distinctive Plycra jerseys, they act as ambassadors for cycling as a whole and for the plethora of products produced by Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory. Team members have been approached by various toothless peasant entrepreneurs with sponsorship ideas. Details are still being worked out with:
- AAA Aardvark Goat-on-a-Stick
- Humus Depot and Badger Meat Emporium
- Emir's Rent-a-Wrecked Donkey Cart
Johan remarked, "it is about time that this training ride started paying for itself."
Our SMEVEC 88T GPS and globe upgrade indicate that we are somewhere between Yugoslavia and the Roman Empire. We have been on our toes lately to avoid confrontations with Cossacks and Red Army factions who can prove to be rowdy adversaries according to our SMEVEC 88T companion travel guide.
This ordeal has brought us together as a team. Nothing promotes teamwork like spreading freshly rendered mink grease on the saddle sores of fellow riders. Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory organized an air drop of their newest energy supplements (E.P.O., and D.O.P.E.) as well as some a case of 88 bars which was promptly stolen by local toothless women.
Little incidents like this have been common on our trip. Locals do not seem to know how to react as we ride by on our erector bikes with the attached Prosperous Contented Obstruction Blocking faring. They probably haven’t seen a professional cycling team in these parts since the LADA team of the early 1950’s. Their idea of elegant transportation is a freshly cleaned donkey pulling a cart equipped with rubber tyres. The team has yet to win any sprint points when competing with particularly crazy and toothless farmers who imagine themselves as Charlton Heston in Ben Hur's chariot race scene.
It is time to stoke the fire, ensuring the bikes and the plywood Prosperous Contented Obstruction Blocking faring will not be harmed by licking flames or errant sparks. After a mutual application of mink grease we will fall asleep dreaming of a Paris-Roubaix start and the chance to ride on the smooth cobbled roads of northern France.
Mucho apprecianto to K2nees, our intrepid reporter, for this report
Tom Simpson (1937-1967) remarked, "this stuff is to die for!"
K2nees says "Exhalted Perfomance Output with a Deluge of Potent Energy chaser gives me special magic invisibility powers".
Johan has nothing but praise for the new chemical concoctions of Happy Lucky 88 exclaiming, "the Exhalted Performance Output works wonders. Just ask Tiffany..I think that was her name".
Lampo Bianco expounded, "I love what Deluge of Potent Energy does for my skin. It has become so soft and hairless".
With these exceptional endorsements, members of Team Vitesse stand to reap the monetary AND performance rewards of EPO and its companion drink DOPE.
Ask for DOPE, the antidote to EPO.