Apologies for the intermittent progress reports but the team has had to resort to eating the last of our messenger pigeons. This desperate act fed us for a day despite our need for training instructions from Johan in his Lake Como villa. For guidance we will ask ourselves, “WWJD” or “What Would Johan Do” from this point in time forward. After our harrowing escape from the pirates on the Happy Lucky 88 freighter we have steadily been pedaling our way from Constantinople towards our final goal in Gaul for the start of Paris-Roubaix.
Our SMEVEC 88T GPS and globe upgrade indicate that we are somewhere between Yugoslavia and the Roman Empire. We have been on our toes lately to avoid confrontations with Cossacks and Red Army factions who can prove to be rowdy adversaries according to our SMEVEC 88T companion travel guide.
This ordeal has brought us together as a team. Nothing promotes teamwork like spreading freshly rendered mink grease on the saddle sores of fellow riders. Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory organized an air drop of their newest energy supplements (E.P.O., and D.O.P.E.) as well as some a case of 88 bars which was promptly stolen by local toothless women.
Little incidents like this have been common on our trip. Locals do not seem to know how to react as we ride by on our erector bikes with the attached Prosperous Contented Obstruction Blocking faring. They probably haven’t seen a professional cycling team in these parts since the LADA team of the early 1950’s. Their idea of elegant transportation is a freshly cleaned donkey pulling a cart equipped with rubber tyres. The team has yet to win any sprint points when competing with particularly crazy and toothless farmers who imagine themselves as Charlton Heston in Ben Hur's chariot race scene.
It is time to stoke the fire, ensuring the bikes and the plywood Prosperous Contented Obstruction Blocking faring will not be harmed by licking flames or errant sparks. After a mutual application of mink grease we will fall asleep dreaming of a Paris-Roubaix start and the chance to ride on the smooth cobbled roads of northern France.
Mucho apprecianto to K2nees, our intrepid reporter, for this report