This positive test comes as a surprise and we regret any bad press this cockle test has generated for our sponsor (that's what we have to say correct?...just checking....make sure this line gets deleted!!). We hope that following a lengthy trial our experts will prove that the cockles that were tested were, in fact, that of LB's chimeric twin who was absorbed in the womb (save for his cockle of course). This line of defense has precedent and we see no reason why LB should not be back in the saddle next week.
I hope that this singular isolated incident will in no way tarnish the growing art and science of cockle testing. After all it shows great promise in clearing riders wrongly convicted of the "D" word (I hate it so much I can't even bring my self to say drafting...****...i just said it didn't I?). Riders on the "B" Team Vitesse roster such as Ricco, Hamilton, Landis, Basso, and Rasmussen surely are of one mind with me on this. Kids remember: cheaters never prosper and never let you cockles be tested by a non-certified tester (you can always tell, they wear purple latex gloves).
And to you, the YELLOW BANDED ONE (who shall remain nameless); remember testing positive for cockles is not the end of the world, once LB's career is over he may not have two pennies to rub together but at least he will have two cockles to rub together.... will you?
Team Vitesse encourages all riders to end the discussion and step up to the plate, draw a line in the sand and submit to a cockle test. If not for the experience...then at least for science.
Team Vitesse believes its riders are shadily innocent until caught guilty. Therefore our hearts and cockles go out to LB and family during this trying time. Suspiciously yours, K2ness