13.4.09

Team Vitesse Shaving Advisory

Now that racing season is upon us and Team Vitesse has literally hit the road at Paris-Roubaix, Johan has issued a directive. Team rules state that all riders must sport a cleanly shaved "plucked chicken" look on all lower extremities. Johan wants team members to achieve this appearance by the middle of the month.
In attempting to comply with TV Directive 18.8(a) H20 suffered a potentially career ending shaving disaster. Confirmed independent reports reveal that while cutting back and pruning the thick leg underbrush with an upward motion, the razor slipped and was momentarily juggled. While struggling to gain control, the blade sliced H20's right nipple. Everyone can agree that the nipple is a particularly sensitive area. The blood trickle was stanched with a band-aid. He is under doctor's supervision and while the injury is serious, H20 does not anticipate any interruption to his strict training schedule.

4 comments:

ahab said...

Accidental nipple shaving? There's such a thing as too much Pink Floyd.

h20 said...

My deepest regrets go to your nipple. At times like this the support and comfort of friends and family are crucial. I know you are a champion and a fighter, but let yourself regain your confidence. Far too many times a rider returns to active racing and training only to be stricken with a worse tragedy in their devastated state.
Lampo Bianco

h20 said...

Stem cell research may be able to repair the damage. if this is the kind of pain a piercing induces i am not interested.

h20 said...

Your new posting takes a courageous look at an oft-ridiculed aspect of professional bike racing protocol – the choice of otherwise “manly” riders to achieve leg hairlessness for the sake of safety.
We all know that bacteria love hair follicles and that every unshaven follicle provides a “doorway” through that grazed epidermis into a dangerous state of infection and possible amputation, or worse still, death. But there are other advantages to bald shins, knees and thighs. With the advent of skin tight spandex high performance wear there is now no unsightly texture or puckering caused by forests of testeronic tresses. The rider can become a visual extension of the smooth titanium frame he is propelling to the finish line.
To those apologetically nude-legged riders out there – FLAUNT your baby-smooth gams – and cycle into an infection-free world of victory and twin goddess kisses on the podium.
Does Johann shave, wax or use Neet?