Thanks to you, Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory has become a powerhouse in the world cycling accessories. Demand remains strong for the Super Absorbent Rain Cape and the CAFIB. If you follow these pages at all you will know that HL88 has a jolly avuncular relationship with the pro cycling Team Vitesse. The riders on that team enjoy "prosumer" status. Not only does the team perform much of the field testing of new Manufactory products, team members pay a modest 8% premium for the same product that is available to consumers.
HL88 wants to acknowledge that incredible support with a special commemorative key fob. The Manufactory has created this fetching key fob made of plywoodium offcuts. Each fob has been carefully sanded by trained professionals. This product will enhance any key management system you can imagine. Every prosumer receives a free Plywoodium key fob with any purchase between now and August 8th. Quantities are unlimited. If you are currently a consumer and wish to become a prosumer simply add 8% to every purchase. HL88 will do the rest.

Pebble Penetration - The New Menace

Riding during the winter months provides challenges which seem unthinkable to the layman or woman. Layering, tyre choices, Cold Arm, spectacle fogging, and frightful weather conditions are just some of the obstacles bested each day by h2o.

One problem that has received little or no attention to this point in time is an emerging phenomena tentatively called Pebble Penetration. Initial studies have shown that lugged rear tyres transfer small gravel from the actual road surface and deposits the irritants in the shoes of the cyclist. Upon lighting from his steed the cyclist suffers immeasurable aggravation in his lower extremities.

True to its intrepid mission statement, Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory has stepped up with a solution likely to be duplicated by other cycling team sponsors.

The Pebble Penetration Protection System has been unleashed on an unsuspecting particle population (double click image for viewing enhancement). Using a clever concoction of duck tape and plywood, a blocking system which funnels the offensive particles away from the ankle is now being used by Team Vitesse. Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory has got your back and foot.

WHAT HL88 IS DOING

You may have heard about the product recalls that Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory has had to make recently. Cycling Cosmonaut would like to bring you up to date on them and what HL88 is doing to make things right for you and your family.

Just the other day, they decided to pull about 25 million boxes of their most popular performance cereal, POW!er Pro-Seed Flax Melange (with actual raisins) out of stores world wide. This is not because they had to but because they decided to. Apparently the liner bags were found to contain a possible health hazard. You might say, "What's the problem...who eats the bag?" HL88 is not taking any chances and will be happy to send a legal liability release suitable for framing to the first eighty eight thousand people who send HL88 a proof of purchase seal. Once the release is returned to the Manufactory a small plywood token of appreciation will be sent back free of charge.

Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory is not stopping there. They are also recalling every 8 kilogram container of Pro Pumpkin Butter Puree manufactured between 1997 and 2008. Some consumers of this performance enhancing product feel that there is something just not right about the puree. HL88's philosophy is that bad things happen to good companies all the time. The recalls simply prove that HL88 has you and your family's best interests at heart.

Happy New Year from Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory.

Test Flights begin at WORC

The first test flight since the Western Oceanographic Research Cosmodrome (WORC) opened in August, successfully launched yesterday. Lampo Bianco, much decorated cosmonaut, has begun training for the spring classic season.

His cycling cosmonaut exclusive first hand account is reprinted here:

Took a 20 km flier on the ss (ed.: single speed) yesterday Uphill with a head wind both ways! Seriously, there are loooooong hills around here for a guy who hasn't ridden in so long. The ss gearing is now in question. However, Johan has talked me out of changing anything on the launch vehicle until my legs cease quivering.

Maybe I should just ride more which is what Johan would do. The photo was taken at the private WORC bathing facility down from the cosmodrome. The ocean laboratory lies at the base of the unbelievable grind of an 8 km climb on the inland route to the HL88 psychological test lab. The route back was along the water, more downhill included and a fabulous sunset over the mainland mountains across the strait. No photos were taken since that road suggested imminent death by crazy motorists around blind corners.

Cycling Cosmonaut praises Lampo for his bravery in cycling on a dry day in above zero temperatures and thanks him for the reminder that the Other Cosmodrome is locked in winter's icy grip at minus 28 degrees Celsius.

Auspicious Origins of HL88

From the archives of Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory comes proof that the venerable supplier of bicycle accessories has sponsored the Roman Legions from 85 BC to the present day. During construction of the Pantheon, HL88, then known as Felix Felicis Fortuna LXXXVIII, provided logistical and plywood engineering to the spiritual centre of the Roman empire (click image for enhanced viewing).

Power Training for h2o

Each day h2o makes his way on bicycle through the darkness to Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory's financial headquarters. These forays into to the the meteorological unknown present special challenges. After consulting various weather oracles, h2o changed his front ring to an easier spin in anticipation of an increase in brown sugar snow (BSS) imminent in every forecast. This change was facilitated by the installation of a half link chain for some reason.

These preparations proved to be an excellent choice for the single speed as h2o merrily pounded through field after menacing field of BSS. Of great assistance was the stiff breeze at his back driving the snow and h2o towards his destination. The return trip will present its own challenges as the wind is due to increase to 40 kilometers per hour without any let up in precip. No doubt h2o will draw from his Within Power coupled with some novel Johan inspired blasphemies.

Life Imitates HL88

Thanks to one of the 8 readers of this blog for bringing yet more proof that life imitates Happy Lucky 88 Manufacatory's plywood initiative.

The wonder element PLYWOODIUM, made so popular by HL88 and crafted into so many high quality cycling products, has found a place in the Festivus pantheon. An intrepid inventor with a jigsaw has produced a fetching plywood tree ready to hold a finite number of ornaments. Shown here in its purest state, the plywoodium tree will likely withstand the feats of strength program of any evening.

HL88 sees the logic

Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory has uncovered a highly covert operation which converted automobiles into something indescribable. These curious abominations were developed at an undisclosed cosmodrome in the nothern hemisphere. the engineer at HL 88 Manufactory feels she can adapt this technology to assist Team Vitesse during perilous navigation through brown sugar snow. Johan insists that the back tyre needs to be lager (see Graham Rawles lost consonants).

Team Vitesse Seeks Divine Intervention

Fresh from their most successful season in the professional peleton, Team Vitesse is set to announce a new approach to training. Thus far sporadic training with a virtual manager (Johan the Omniscient) has resulted in riders snatching superb victories with too much effort. Dr K2 has noticed that Johan has changed his timbre this year. "I believe that Johan got religion somewhere" mused the good doctor.

Johan's new plan is to call upon divinities, both past and present, to augment an already strenuous and extensive training program. For instance, early in the season, h2o experienced an inordinate number of flat tyres. Having identified this as a potential nuisance, Team Vitesse has retained the services of Phlatus, Averter of Punctures, to watch over its athletes. Pheedus, the spirit overseeing feed zones will leave the services of Radio Shack to join the retinue of divinities who will be channeled by Johan.

Johan believes that channeling divinities will be chicken feed, "I often feel the spirits at the casino. They speak loudest after I pass out." Team members are unsure of how well Johan can drive the virtual team car, provide tactical guidance and channel while passed out. "Johan is a master of the multi-task" spouted Lampo Bianco from the new WORC (Western Oceanographic Research Cosmodrome).

The 9 "P"s of Cold Arm

Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory's Cold Arm Foundation continues its educational initiative with the introduction of the nine "P"s of Cold Arm. Deemed an issue of high concern, management has broken down Cold Arm into 9 domain environments based on experiential experiences.

1. Persecution: Cold Arm crosses all ethnic, gender and class boundaries with its relentless attacks.
2. Prediction: one must always assess each situation for the eventuality of Cold Arm.
3. Probability: Cold Arm never sleeps nor does it ever rest.
4. Provocation: Cold Arm seeks to undermine one's very comfort in one's chosen environment.
5. Preparedness: one can never be too prepared for the onslaught of Cold Arm. Always have anti Cold Arm precautions on hand.
6. Prevention: Think ahead before Cold Arm gains the upper hand, forearm and arm.
7. Purposefulness: conducting oneself according to the Cold Arm capability framework will give one's existence purpose and meaning.
8. Perseverance: one must be vigilant against the evils of Cold Arm.
9. Perpetuity: Cold Arm does not end simply because one has obeyed numbers 1 through 8. It can attack anywhere (see #4), anytime (see #3), anyone (see #1).
10. Puerility: Rest assured - there is nothing puerile about Cold Arm.

Commensurate functional activity must be coordinated. Watch for updates about the 23 "F"s of Stretch Goals by Johan.