Team Vitesse Injury Report

Fans around the globe have been clamouring for information about the health of Team Vitesse riders. This report is the first in a semi-annual series:

LB: now smoking 1 pack of smokes per day, LB has a uniform coating of lung tar ready to combat the strongest of landfill nasal assaults. By his own admission, his lung volume has been reduced and his perspiration now contains hints of lavender.

K2nees: he has begun the painstaking work of removing loose chips which have insinuated themselves into his epidermis. Currently his visage is unrecognizable. Once the reconstructive surgery is complete he hopes to return to his movie star good looks.

h20: during the shifting of resources within the new western Cosmodrome facility, h20 fell down some stairs spraining his knee and suffering a nasty laceration to an index finger. The cause of the fall is under investigation. Initial findings point to a moment of weightlessness while travelling from one dimension to another. The accident serves as a reminder that the Cosmodrome is a serious establishment where safety is paramount.

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