We pick up the compelling story of one man's out of competition random cockle test.
CC: How did the Manilow music make you feel?
BJ: It would not be my first choice for listening pleasure but it added a certain mood to the wood panelled boogie van. I sat back against the plywood bench and tried to relax. I knew that maintaining a calm state of contentment would mitigate the intrusiveness of the cockle test. With "Crackling Rosie" pounding through the 1/2 inch speakers, I began to believe that the Happy Lucky 88 cockle testers were trained professionals.
CC: What made you doubt their authenticity in the first place?
BJ: their purple latex gloves. That and the fact that they were arguing about the instruction manual. Happy Lucky 88's directions seemed to be unintelligible to the technicians. When I regained consciousness I was told that the results would be mailed to me 3 weeks after they had been released to the press. It didn't sound fair but i was in no position to argue with my cockles in a compromised position.
CC: How did your cockles feel after the test?
BJ: About the same really. Maybe a bit warmer than normal with a tingle indicating excessive handling. I got a purple latex thumbs up from all the techs when I was dropped off at the gate of Johan's Lake Como villa. Apparently my cockles were tested in flight to Italy.
CC: Any last words for our reader?
BJ: The key to passing a cockle test is go to your quiet place and remain alert. Being a lert cannot be overemphasized. Warm tingly feelings in the cockles is a good thing...I hope. Eventually all pro riders must submit to having their cockles tested. I am glad mine is over for this month.