3.9.08

An open letter to Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory


Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory
To whom it may concern:

You may remember Team Vitesse and our order for 144 Prosperous Contented Obstruction Blocking. We continue to anxiously await the arrival of these “state of the art” ferrings for the team’s time trial bicycles.
When we placed that order, we also purchased the plans and schematics for the “Most Abundance Fountain of Euphoric Youth Booth”. At the time, your representative assured me that the Euphoric Youth Booth could be easily adapted for use as a hyperbaric chamber. He further claimed that by sleeping a minimum of 8 hours in the booth, the thinner air would increase the lung’s oxygen absorption abilities.
Your high quality detailed plans were difficult to understand but team members persevered with mixed results. The adaptation required that tin foil and plywood be attached with duck tape and silicon to the bathtub. By using what appears in your drawings to be a garden hose, the air in the chamber can be evacuated (or sucked out). The result would then be equivalent to an oxygen level at 12,000 above sea level.

K2nees has had difficulty creating a seal between the tin foil/plywood/bathtub interface. What would you suggest? Please remember that the Youth Booth needs to be removed each morning so that the bathtub can be used for personal hygiene purposes.
Lampo Bianco has encountered the other extreme in his use of the Most Abundance Fountain of Euphoric Youth Booth. He sleeps in the fetal position and awakens with “the bends”. I believe that the bends are caused by a lack of oxygen in the system. He spends each morning in excruciating pain while the excess nitrogen gas dissipates from his system. The Team Vitesse budget cannot continue to support the massage therapy required each day to return Lampo to an upright walking position. Do you have a solution to this problem?
Team Vitesse continues to believe in your research and development department and the high quality of your products. We would appreciate answers to our enquiries at your earliest convenience.

Kindest regards, H2o, (Hammer of Holland)

1 comment:

h20 said...

I am thrilled that steps are being taken to notify the Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory workers regarding our concerns. Being rushed to a decompression chamber each morning before work while holding my hands and feet above my head to prevent nitrogen bubbles from entering my brain is far less appealing than my usual coffee ritual. Yet, I continue with the training program. I think they need to add some form of regulation unit to control the air mixture. Their current gas ratios are wacked, maybe these ratios are caliberated for the smog of a major Chinese industrial hub, but don't work in my plastic suburban glen of tranquility.

I see that the excellent scematic drawing uses similar unidentifiable units of measure as for the fairings. Odd. Please, suggest taller dimensions so as to incorporate the shower head. That would allow for hyperbaric suds and scrub.

Lampo Bianco