Super Absorbant Rain Capes

H20: In the event of rain I have procured rain capes for team vitesse...unfortunately Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory did not have any of their super absorbent "Obstinately Rebuked Failing Moisture" rain capes made out of ...you guessed it.....1/4 inch plywood. I was told they are cut anatomically to ensure good fit in the areo position. not that it matters as they were out of stock (due to increased demands from the womens’ peloton in the Olympic road race). I have instead purchased a box of ordinary large size garbage bags and have cut holes to allow our heads to poke out. I am sure these are as effective as any store bought version and have the added bonus of being much safer. Don’t fret, shorts are in the works as are helmet covers and shoe covers.....garbage bags and silver duct tape fix everything. I have been told the silver ductk tape shimmers on a bright day. k2nees

Dear K2nees: those crazy peeps at Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory…is there anything they can’t fabricate for cycling?? Super absorbent plywood rain capes! I love those guys! If I have to use garbage bags, I prefer orange ones to honour the land of my forefathers if you don’t mind. The day of infamy looms when we find out if your hyperbaric chamber is worthy of the name. I suggest that you begin living in your hyperbaric chamber so that you are not too badly embarrassed on our next spin. h2O

Unfortunately my home made hyperbaric chamber is on the fritz. the tin foil used to seal the top of my bathtub does not seem to be holding the pressure I pump in with my inflatable mattress foot pump.....I got the designs from the Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory. I am sure the ferring design will be far superior. I will work on the chamber tonight. Vaseline around the seals and some duck tape to patch the holes and the tin foil should be as air tight as can be. K2nees

Dear K2nees: I am surprised that the plans from the Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory do not include any plywood for your hyperbaric chamber. I know for a fact that the good folks at Happy Lucky choose plywood as their number 1 or number 8 building material. The tin foil certainly covers the “bling” factor for the chamber. I suggest you think about sleeping on the second floor of your home, sealing all doors, windows and vents and begin pumping out the air to produce the rarified mountain simulation atmosphere. h20

Dear K2nees: launch preparations are proceeding according to plan. We should expect a motivational talk from a Mr. Chris Farley before blast off. The talk is sponsored by the good folks at Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory in conjunction with Long Life Fried Lotus Fabricatory. Please ensure that you are equipped with ear protection. Mr. Farley speaks in a loud voice to add greater emphasis to his motivational message. Today’s topic is entitled, “COMMON MODALITIES IN THE SPACE TIME CONTINUUM”, subtitled, “How to Win the Hearts and Minds of Average Working Canadians”. Afterwards, cucumber sandwiches and fruit punch will be served by the Women’s Auxiliary of the Friends of Deep Well Fractionation. h2O

motivation is what i need... procrastination is what i want..... perhaps mr. farley can teach me to have some balance in my life. I thoroughly enjoy being yelled at, in fact it is one of my favorite pass times along with gouging out my eyes.... perhaps that why i enjoy working at redbike so much! it certainly has that kind of an atmosphere. Not unlike a gulag or a suite at the spanish inquisitions villa. The screams sooth my are a salve for my soul (that the only kind of salve i can get thanks to mr bettinis bruised ego). The snacks provided after said ride do sound like what the doctor ordered (well he ordered advil but thats virtually the same as a cucumber sandwich. K2nees

Dear K2nees: I regret to inform you that Mr. Farley’s motivational talk has been cancelled. It appears that he has been deceased for some time but Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory was not aware of his passing. The management of Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory have had a Mr. Farley on the payroll for the past 12 years. Instead we will have a “lunch and learn” session with one of Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory’s preeminent technical staff. Dr. U.N. Do will demonstrate the proper care and use of the super absorbent plywood rain cape. Dr. Do is famous for his humour and unorthodox approach to these events. Look forward some crazy shenanigans as Do does his best to engage us in an otherwise dull and tedious topic. Please bring your super absorbent plywood rain cape so that it can be registered for warranty purposes. h20

That sounds wonderful as well, i was trying my "obstinately rebuked failing moisture" rain cape last night wishing i had received the technical manual in some form of the alphabet that i recognized. perhaps dr.u.n. do can provide the expertise necessary for the tedious fitting of this wonderful product. is he per chance related to dr. o.h. no, another uber-qualified technician of quality chinese cycling componentry however he is not known for his quiet disposition and humour as his roles in the 007 series will attest to. your in fear of rain and termites, K2nees

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