End Games

h20 has every right to feel violated this week. In one of the most blatant out of competition tests to date, h20 was required to drink a mixture of chemical grape, antifreeze and drano to facilitate a purge of the number 2 pipeline. In keeping with the spirit of cooperation inspired by Johan and fostered by Happy Lucky 88 Manufactory, all Team Vitesse riders signed an agreement for random testing at any point in time. This is the first time the agreement between WADA, UCI, AHS, EU, CAFIB, SMEVEC and Team Vitesse has been enforced.
Some have likened the purge to a shuttle launch and others to the results of eating poison rhubarb. "One hears stories of the abiding connection that develops between purger and commode, but until one actually drinks the vile concoction, one can never appreciate how important the white receptacle becomes", remarked h20.
h20's weight loss was 3.18 kilograms, the result of a 48 hour fast in concert with the consumption of 4 litres of liquid plumber. "The actual procedure was painless thanks to the deft work of Dr. Rump Ranger", a thankful h20 said.
The results of the out of competition test are not known at this point in time. However, it was remarked by staff that the colonoscopy was a boring procedure.